Showing posts with label Political Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Political Jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, 13 July 2017

KITHINJI KIRAGU CONDEMNS LENNY KIVUTI For Allegedly Buying Votes

Aspirant Lenny Kivuti responds to Kithinji Kiragu's accusations 


GOVERNOR WAMBORA'S OPPONENTS ATTACK EACH OTHER.

PNU’s Embu governor candidate Kithinji Kiragu (KK) has accused one of his rivals of bribing voters. Without mincing his words, KK bitterly complained that former senator Lenny Kivuti (LK) has embarked on an ID buying exercise whereby he is exchanging poor voters' identity cards for as little as Ksh 200, with the intention of ensuring that they don't vote come the general election.

He said the candidate wants to influence the outcome of the August 8 election through illegal means, instead of persuading them based on his manifesto. He added that LK's  manifesto itself is just a copy-paste job from governor Wambora's original.

Kiragu said such a candidate does not care about residents.
Kithinji Kiragu accused Lenny Kivuti of buying poor people's IDs

 “He is only interested in power for his selfish gain and is keen to get it at whatever cost” He said.

While cautioning voters against electing corrupt politicians, he told the people that if they thought he (KK) is too old to lead, they'd better elect Wambora in stead of Lenny Kivuti.

In retaliation, LK claimed that KK is only suffering from SENILITY and that he will never win any election as his late father had 'cursed' him, instructing him to stick to business and avoid politics by all means.

Saturday, 1 July 2017

WHEN THE ‘RAT’ Decided To Drink From The SAME BOWL OF MILK As THE 'CAT'!

Lenny joining the president's convoy is like rat drinking milk
from the cat's bowl 
Wonders will never cease! 

Ever heard of the rat that shared the same bowl of milk with the cat? Considering that both the milk and the rat is food for the cat...  

It doesn’t take rocket science to tell what will happen once the milk is finished…

Now, before you dismiss this picture as offensive, let’s have a political look at it. 


When President Uhuru Kenyatta visited Embu County recently, he and Deputy President William Ruto had this purpose in mind: To kindly ask the electorate from the region to vote for them in the upcoming general election. They had also visited to drum up support for those aspirants vying for other seats on the Jubilee Party ticket. That is, those who emerged victorious in the party primaries held earlier in the year.

For the gubernatorial seat, the incumbent governor H.E Martin Wambora was the winner, while his main competitor, Lenny Kivuti had ran away from the battle and ditched Jubilee Party for Maendeleo Chap Chap. It was therefore quite unbecoming for Mr. Kivuti to tug along the president’s convoy, knowing very well that he had betrayed the party. No wonder the president didn’t recognize him but spoke highly of governor Wambora.

Looking at the top picture artistically, the president’s visit was the bowl of milk, and you can tell as much as I can, who between ‘cat’ and ‘rat’ is likely to devour the other once the milk is finished. (Politically speaking)
   

MORAL OF THE STORY: It is not very wise for one to insist on sharing his competitor’s meal. 

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

'BEBA BEBA Kama ya Makanga' (Carry People, Carry People Just Like Them Touts)

Lenny Kivuti​'s running mate, former MP Emilio Kathuri speaks defiantly as usual
Anyone who has traveled our Kenya roads by public means understands very well the antics of the so called public transport facilititors (touts) commonly known by the street name of 'Makanga'. These are the guys you'll find at every busy bus stop, shouting at the top of their voices, calling on commuters to come so that they may travel together on the specific vehicle that is picking customers at that particular moment. The funny thing is that the tout never boards the vehicle. Commuters will get on board and travel while the 'Makanga' remains behind to call out to more commuters on behalf of another vehicle.
Touts on a NENO Sacco PSV calling out to commuters; they pose as passengers then remain behind once the vehicle is full

Now, one Emilio Kathuri, running mate to Embu gubernatorial aspirant Lenny Kivuti is alleged to be applying similar techniques in the political arena. The former MP for Manyatta Constituency was once chief of all touts from Nairobi to Embu - he even founded Nairobi-Embu Nissan Operators (NENO) Sacco. It is rumored that the 'chief tout' has not forgotten how to 'carry people' and that even now that's the kind of game he is playing on the out going Senator.
A tout caught in error; they are known to habitually bribe their way out of trouble

Those who know him well claim to have heard him confess that he is not with Lenny for anything but personal financial gain. Sources close to him reveal that Hon. Kathuri has jokingly said that as much as he knows that Lenny can't beat Wambora, he will stick with him as long as he is paying. He has also been accused of 'eating' from KK's camp, with promises of destroying his known benefactor's votes for the sake of his village mate. How so unfortunate for LK but so fortunate for the incumbent governor, Martin Wambora.

Thursday, 4 May 2017

ON YOUR MARKS - GET SET - GO! Who Among KK, Wambora and Lenny Seems Unprepared?


Believe you me, I have been all through several search engines, looking to see how sure and confident  these three gubernatorial aspirants are with their respective political parties of choice.

It is only logical that if a candidate is at home in his party, then his posters, whether in soft or hard copy would be out by now, clearly showing their closeness with their respective parties.

Well, both Kithinji Kiragu of PNU and the incumbent governor Martin Wambora of Jubilee Party have their posters, complete with respective party logos easily available. Surprisingly, for Lenny Kivuti, the only image that remotely depicts his affiliation to Maendeleo Chap Chap party (MCC) is an old photo with MCC in the background, where he is titled as Senator, whom he rightfully is. There is no indication whatsoever that he intends to run for Governor on the party's ticket.

Another thing, in the posters of the first two above we see them in pulled back shirtsleeves, expressing a ready to work stance. On the other hand, Lenny, in his best party-related photo appears all bossy in suit and tie as seen above.

Conclusively, it appears one of the three seems not to be well set, therefore not ready to go. Question is, who is the odd one out?

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

GOVERNOR WAMBORA’S GENIUS; Parallel Tallying Centre Helps Thwart Rigging Plot in JP Primaries


As it has been said of old, ‘…the guilty are always afraid…’ and so Cess is afraid.

The establishment of a call and parallel tallying Centre in Embu County during the ongoing Jubilee Party primaries has in a great way put a stop to what was supposed to have a been one of the biggest political heists of the season.

Talk of hullabaloo, helter-skelter and every other word that could describe the fuss all around Embu politics today! But then the good news about it all is that, as it is written, ‘the just shall live by faith’.

It has come to the attention of Governor Wambora’s strategic team that a lot of machinations are going on in the desperate effort by the incumbent’s main opponent, Hon. Cecily Mbarire who is already lagging far behind as far as votes casted are concerned.
According to data collected by the very elite strategic team working for governor Wambora, the governor has garnered votes in doubles, so that while governor Wambora has 51,213 votes, Cess, as the Runyenjes MP is commonly referred to, has got 24,894 across all the wards of Embu County – as for now, at least, at 1:00pm on 26th April 2017.

However, according to intelligence reaching the office, the opponent’s camp is working with a few major media houses to mislead the people while working to tamper with votes and change what's recorded in the quest to actually rig the election. For instance, Citizen TV stopped relaying results since yester night but it worries the governor not a bit. All viewers are advised not to just believe all news that comes up on our TVs without verifying with Governor Wambora’s hotline.  It’s only a pity that Wambora’s antagonists don’t know what level of intellect they are dealing with here, anyway. All in all, Embu shall be great! Yes, Embu shall be great again like it was during the Mau Mau uprising. This shall happen only through the leadership of Governor Martin Wambora.
Cecily Mbarire casts her vote; she got zero votes in some polling stations despite her overconfidence

In order to save time, which is money, hence make the people of Embu and the country at large more prosperous; let it be remembered that whoever the Lord God has anointed, no weapon formed against him shall prosper. THE BATTLE IS ALREADY WON!

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

THIS VALENTINE'S DAY, DOWN TO EARTH RAYMOND KINYUA (Rayie) SHARES HIS LOVE FOR RUNYENJES PEOPLE



'God is love'. On this great day of love, asked what he has to say about the subject, Runyenjes parliamentary aspirant Raymond Kinyua would quote 1st Corinthians 13:1-8, which brings him out as a godly man. 
He may not have a turban on his head, yes, but the words of his mouth clearly depict a Godfearing leader; 

1    Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2    And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing.

3    And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profiteth me nothing.

4    Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.

5    Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6    Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7    Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8    Love never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away...

In reference to the scripture above, Rayie goes ahead to show his love for Runyenjes by letting them know the good plans and vision he has for them. 

Here below is just a glimpse of his manifesto, as published on an earlier post on this blogspot:

http://siasazaembu.blogspot.co.ke/2016/11/aspiring-mp-for-runyenjes-raymond.html?m=1

This will be clearly elaborated on a future issue. In the meantime, meditate on love.

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

MASTER OF SIGNATURES, IS SENATOR LENNY KIVUTI

Even before the dust from the still fresh allegations about the fake list of Jubilee Party interim officials for Embu County settles, the man who has now come to be referred to as 'Mr. Riceman' or LK, is already doing more signatures.

Embu Senator Lenny Kivuti makes a signature, as his proposed running mate Emilio Kathuri, among others look on
But before anyone jumps to judge him, may it be noted that he already has recruits, who include his proposed running mate Mr. Kathuri, aspiring MP for Runyenjes Eric Muchangi - popularly known as Karemba and the incumbent Governor Martin Wambora's deputy, Ms Dorothy Nditi. All of them seem to have learnt the art of doing signatures as seen in the photo below: